It’s exciting, it’s daunting, it’s uncertain. “New” has been a theme in my life this year, especially since August when I said “I do” to my sweet husband. Being married has presented so many internal battles and the daily requirement to set my own selfish agenda aside. My friend Allie told me at the beginning of this year that marriage was a sanctifying experience, and I really didn’t understand that until a couple of months ago.
It isn’t always rainbows and butterflies and “having a sleepover with my best friend every night.” At times it may feel that way, but on the typical day, it’s deep breaths, lots of prayer, lots of compromise, and the willingness to grow through constructive criticism and loving correction. Proverbs 15:31-33 says, “The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise. Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence. The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.” As someone who likes to be in control and do things perfectly- it’s been hard for me to accept the fact that I will never master marriage. Months ago I wrote a post on here called Being Engaged Is Hard. Well friends, being married is harder. Much harder.Whether it’s the battle of the thermostat, the different sleep patterns, differing ideas of household cleanliness, expectations we had that were completely off base, or deeper issues such as provision, taxes, tithing, church involvement, and more- marriage is NOT a carefree fairytale. It isn’t a walk in the park on a sunny day; it’s more like a mad-dash in the park in the middle of a thunderstorm. The great thing is though, it’s a mad-dash in the down pour with the love of my life. So rain or shine, agreement or disagreement, blissful or full of frustration, we do life together- and we wouldn’t want it any other way.
In the four months Jerry and I have been married so far, I have grown so much in my faith- and become painfully aware of all the places in my life that need work. Mindsets that need to be obliterated, habits that need to die, and entitlement that needs to dissipate. The “new” that is most pressing in our life currently is that my husband left his full time job in sales and we have launched Davidson Vocal Coaching. Insert fear. Insert uncertainty. Insert doubt. Insert insecurity. As his wife, I am thrilled that Jerry is pursing full-time something he is so gifted in. And as his wife, it’s nerve-racking to lose a full-time income and operate on faith that this business will grow as the Lord sees fit. It’s amusing though, really. When I dated Jerry the first time back in 2017, music was his life- and a major source of pride in his life. Years later, as Jerry grew in his walk with the Lord, he felt challenged and convicted to surrender all of his music endeavors over to the Lord. He sold all of his music and sound equipment and he obediently laid those passions down at the foot of the cross- trusting that if music was ever going to play a significant role in his life again, it would be God’s doing.
Enter present day- where Jerry now serves as the Worship Leader at Crosspointe Church in Bryant, AR and is pursuing vocal coaching full time. As he simultaneously studies speech pathology and communication disorders, it’s absolutely impossible to NOT see that God’s tender timelines is cloaking all of this. There are moments that fear begins seeping in again. I’ll cry, wipe my tears, then start crying again. “What if” is a hope draining phrase. God has opened up the doors, and with faith we are walking through them. Surrendered obedience to Him is a hard but joyful journey we are able to walk down. I won’t paint a false picture of myself though- sometimes I don’t want to trust in God. Sometimes I just want to be able to depend on myself and know exactly what will happen and when it will happen. This morning though, I was reminded of Isaiah 55:8-9 that says, For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Maybe the start of my marriage isn’t exactly how I planned it would be, but it’s exactly what Christ foresaw and I must trust that His design is far more intricate and purposeful than anything my human mind could create. I’m no artist, but when I think about the fact that the Creator of the World is painting my path- I don’t really want to complain anymore.
In church a few weeks ago we were challenged to find our full satisfaction in Christ- and I was convicted with how I look to Jerry to satisfy me before I look to Christ. It’s an easy trap to fall into, and I imagine it’s especially easy as a newly married couple. But through all this “new” I am realizing more and more that if I don’t find my satisfaction in Christ alone, I will always be let down. Jerry is only human after all. When I rely on Christ to be my hope, my joy, and my constant guide, it becomes so much easier to love Jerry in the down pour and not just on the sunny days.
Yes, marriage is harder; but my life is so much fuller now that I am daily given the task of loving the same human with gentleness, humility and grace for the rest of my life. Yes, I’m more aware of my defaults, but that pushes me to grow more. Yes, it isn’t all about me anymore (was it ever, really?) but I understand better now what Paul meant in scripture when he said, “die to self.”
Being married is harder, but there is also more joy and love than I had ever experienced before.
Feel free to check out our new business venture to gain a better understanding of what we’ve gotten ourselves into. Putting full faith in the Lord is easier said than done, but the joy that is found in taking each step forward makes it all worth it! Happy December from the Davidsons! What a year it has been so far- and we’ve still got three weeks to go 😉