I asked for this necklace and the matching earrings for Christmas because of the meaning behind it. Each piece of jewelry that this company sells has a unique title- this one being called, “Beautifully Broken.”
Letting go of the idea of “perfection” is difficult. I never wanted to be perfect. But then I got sober, and the more time I put into my recovery, the more I realized I was striving to attain some far-fetched idea of being “perfect” …whatever that means. I had an idea in my mind of how I wanted to think, act, speak, the friend group I “needed” to have, the school I “needed” to be enrolled in, the future I simply “had” to have in order to attain this mis-construed idea of perfection.
Every time I didn’t measure up, I would beat myself up and talk myself down. I thought that since I was in recovery, I wasn’t allowed to make any mistakes anymore. I wasn’t allowed to mess up, I couldn’t think certain things or let different words escape my lips because that would mean I’m just not really in recovery. There are moments-in fact I had one yesterday, where a thought came into my mind that was selfish and self-centered and I started chastising myself for it. “You just are all about yourself. You don’t care about anyone!” “You’re never going to be the woman you want to be when you keep having prideful thoughts!”
The woman I want to be?
The woman I want to be is someone who recognizes her thoughts and actions, sees them for what they are, and then makes strides to keep doing better.
I don’t think the “perfect” I imagined is even all that great anyway. Because as the description of the necklace states, “Don’t apologize for being broken. Every time you break you become a little more alive. You become more open with yourself. You become more exposed to your sensibility. Every crack tells you a little more about yourself…”
The brokenness I’ve experienced launches me into ministry. The pain I have gone through, teaches me to lean into the Comforter’s arms. The battles I face show me that my God is bigger than everything, and the choices I have made have cast me into an ocean of grace. And His grace has helped me discover that the only perfect one is Jesus.
When I try to be perfect, I am always disappointed with myself because it will never be quite enough.
But when I love myself as a beautifully broken daughter of Christ, I can start to see myself through His eyes.
Friends, I think it is our brokenness that builds others up. Authenticity, vulnerability, and the acceptance of our flaws is what will build community. It’s what builds connections. We don’t bond over what we do perfectly. Because in my experience, “perfect” is met with competition. There are days when I just don’t spend the time I know I need to with Christ. There are days when I don’t walk with a recovery mindset. There are days that I am in fact very selfish.
Every day I wake up human, and every day I wake up with God just asking me to strive to be a little more like Him and a little less like the world. The beautiful thing about a relationship with the Savior of the world is that He has walked in our shoes. He knows the day to day issues that arise. He knows all about rejection and loneliness. He is extremely familiar with temptation.
I find confidence in the fact that God doesn’t call me to something that is impossible or unattainable. I’m not expected to be perfect, and you aren’t either. So stop beating yourself up when you fall short of what you or your world tells you is “perfect.” Instead, take each moment and do your best to live it out in love. And don’t shame yourself when you mess up.
God equips and empowers us as we walk with Him. Where I am lacking, He will provide. God gives us exactly what we need to fulfill His purpose. *Note* HIS purpose.
I yelled at my dog tonight. I didn’t accomplish my to-do list yesterday. My morning was far more rushed than intentional. I don’t have my life figured out and “what if” questions swirl my mind. But my perfect Savior meets me where I’m at and He loves me fiercely.
He loves you fiercely too. So stop trying to be perfect, and just do your best today. And if you are lazy and don’t do your best today, get up tomorrow and take some more strides.
1 John 1:8-10 says, “If we go around bragging, ‘We have no sin,’ then we are fooling ourselves and are strangers to the truth. But if we own up to our sins, God shows that He is faithful and just by forgiving us of our sins and purifying us from the pollution of all the bad things we have done. If we say, ‘We have not sinned,’ then we depict God as a liar and show that we have not let His word find its way into our hearts.”
Perfection wouldn’t require God’s grace.
Perfection wouldn’t require a Savior.
Beautifully broken, I’ll run to my King again tonight, thankful for a love that is freely given and fully accepting of all of my shortcomings. And it is that love which invokes within me a desire to try harder tomorrow to walk in His light.