Impatience.

Impatience.

Today it hit me out of nowhere. I woke up this morning antsy, discontent, and sleepy. The whole “I want what I want and I want it now” mindset was attempting to maneuver its way into my head. I wrestled with these feelings the better half of the morning-constantly trying to coach myself out of that pitfall. It’s funny, isn’t it? How our humanness tries to smother God’s goodness. I’ve been ushered into a unique period in my life where God is asking me to hand my timeline over to Him. Last week I was gung-ho about it. “God it’s yours! I trust your timing 100%!” Obedience to Christ has repeatedly paid off every single time, in God’s perfect way, so I have no reason to question His faithfulness now. Yet today, I find my response being a lot less energetic. “Okay God. Here’s my timeline. When do I get it back? You know I don’t like waiting, right?” I think I actually yelled today out of frustration because I’m not the most patient person and not being in control of situations makes me anxious. I’ll be honest, sometimes I get annoyed that God knows best. I’ll have the thought that if I could just take back control and take my timeline back, things would be better. I’m at a place in my faith though where I can now laugh at that thought. Imagine all the responsibility and burdens we would have if we always knew what was best? Today I’m thankful that I serve a God who hands me what I need, one piece at a time. I wouldn’t be able to handle the big picture. His thoughts and ways will always be higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9) and I can take comfort in that.

So here’s what I realized. It’s okay to not always have an energetic “YES GOD!” It’s okay to not be thrilled with the wait, and it’s okay to experience frustration. I can feel all those things and still say “Yes” to God.

As I sat in a parking lot on my lunch break today, my insides in a total knot of impatience, I pulled out my phone and decided to make a gratitude video. I spent the next 5 minutes telling my phone all that I am thankful for and the ways I see God at work in my life. It wasn’t easy. There were moments of silence that lapsed. But I kept listing things because in these moments of frustration and impatience, I have found it critical to examine my life and look at all the ways my obedience and patience with the Lord has been fruitful. 6 months from now it will be fun to go back and re-watch that video.

In seasons of waiting, in seasons where God asks for your timeline, it’s so important to recognize that the waiting process is just as important as what you are waiting for. Time is a precious gift. It’s a gift the Lord has handed to me and asked for me to be a good steward of. In fact, I think that sometimes, the waiting process is even more important than the end result. It’s in the waiting that we develop character. It’s in the waiting that reliance on God becomes essential. And in my experience, it’s in the waiting where I experience God in the most intimate ways.

So today I’m challenging my perspective. Maybe I’m not actually waiting. Maybe I’m simply in a season of growth. Maybe this will be one of the best seasons of my life, because this is when God wants to move in incredible, life-giving, all-healing, sorts of ways.

Today my “Yes” isn’t enthusiastic, but it is backed with a confidence that my Savior is in control.

I’ll close with the lyrics to the song “Way-Maker” by Leeland, which I heard yesterday morning at church, and has played 1000x on my Spotify since then:

Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper

Light in the darkness, my God

That is who You are

Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper

Light in the darkness, my God

That is who You are

Even when I don’t see it, You’re working

Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working

You never stop, You never stop working

I would much rather trust the timeline of a way-maker and miracle worker than my own human timeline.

And so I wait. Finding joy in the consolation that my God is always at work, even if I can’t see it or feel it.

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One comment

  1. This is such a lovely positive post about the difficulty of waiting. I really enjoyed it. Btw have you heard Waymaker sung by Sinach, the writer of the song? You might enjoy the original too.

    Liked by 1 person

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