Loud enough to leave an echo

Affirmations have become an essential part of my commitment to healing. You should see my bathroom mirror-sticky notes engulf it. When I went into treatment back in April 2018, I couldn’t say a single good thing about myself and actually believe it. “I have inherent worth an no one can take that away from me.” Uh, no…no I didn’t think so. “I have so much to offer this world.” Eh, I do more damage than good. “I am beautifully unique and valuable.” No one thinks i’m truly worth valuing.

These are the LIES Satan spoon fed me, and I opened my mouth wide. As the months wore on though, the more I said these affirmations, the more I started to believe them. Here are a few of my favorites that I regularly use each day:

I am my own beautiful blaze.

I deserve to protect myself despite who it may offend.

I’m going to make myself proud today. 

My voice matters and I deserve to be heard. 

I know who I am-Christ’s daughter, his Bride, and his friend. I know that even with all of the choices I have made to feed my addictions, His love for me never once wavered. I know that I am healing. I know that I am a product of grace and that an attitude of gratitude changes absolutely everything. Know who you are, and speak that  out, audibly. It wasn’t until I started truly loving myself, that I was in turn, able to begin authentically loving God’s people.

I wrote a piece of poetry about the place my voice holds in this world. I was never created to merely whisper my story. I was created to leave an echo so that anyone around me could plainly see that they too have the right to speak up. Friends, our voices do matter.

Echos

I can hear that echo. It reverberates as if bouncing off the walls of a vast, desolate mansion— confident and commanding.
Some people are tuning it out. Even you keep pushing it aside, as if it’s bothersome or meaningless. But hear my shouts. Please. Listen to the echo.
Pause. Tell me—what do you hear? What do you hear it say? Dare you confess just how heavy your heart now weighs?
“It’s just background noise,” I hear you mumble. But no- you can turn up the volume and still remain humble.
It started as noise but is slowly becoming a song. And I’ve stopped concerning myself with other people’s claims that I’m wrong.
People shush the music saying it’s controversial- but you’re truth and the world’s is simply differential.
How long will you cower behind the fear of disapproval? I’m pleading for you to disregard their accusal.
It’s like you would sacrifice yourself just so you don’t offend- you shrink at the idea of being condemned. But tell me- how will you grow in the shadow of everyone else? How do you even really know yourself?
The hesitation in your eyes is loud and clear—and darling, it seems like you’re fighting two different fears. Being irrelevant strikes within you a chord, but exerting yourself is what you’re convinced you can’t afford.
That echo—that song—it’s your voice, aching to be heard. It’s your voice that you have to set free. You’ll discover your strength once you admit defeat and hit your knees.
Now listen carefully. It’s your defeat of the lies clawing at your heart and mind. Now I’m not saying you can leave all those fears behind—but when you grip the authority to use your voice, you can crush those lies with truth- it’s all your choice.
Believe in the beauty of your worth. Because when you shed off your old skin, it’s like a new birth. Find your identity and just own it—for both you and the world will benefit.
You might just be one drop in the ocean, yet I’m swearing on this one little notion. Without your drop, the ocean wouldn’t be complete. So consider this—put your hand on your heart and feel it beat. Take a deep breath and make your echo known; and in this deaf world, I’d encourage use to use a megaphone.

 

Written by Amy Goodwin
January 3, 2018

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