Addiction wrote me a letter. [Part 1]

A letter from Addiction:

I’m feeling like a real champion right now. Last week was amazing with you. Your dedication to me was impressive. I’ve watched you over time, and it looks like you’re becoming more invested in me. When we touch, I see you blush, and I can hear your breath get heavy. Your heart starts racing and suddenly I know my girl is back. Your head turns every time someone opens the door, and I know you’re hoping it will be me. My aroma intoxicates you. You didn’t even know that you liked me at first- but that’s how every great romance starts out. I spotted you from afar, and I quickly realized you and I were destined to play a significant role in each others lives. I wanted you. I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

I know your friends and family warned you about me. They said I was dangerous and deceiving. I’ve heard all those rumors and honestly, maybe I am dangerous. But I’m here, standing before you today, saying that no one is going to give you a rush like I do, and no one will calm you in the way I do. No one will always be there for you, 24/7, like I will be. It’s no secret that you long to be wanted, so here I am, screaming that I still want you. I still choose you. As you and I talked more, and began spending more and more time together, I watched your demeanor change. It was subtle, so you couldn’t see it yourself. It’s like change in general, you know? You don’t realize the impact something is making in a single moment, but when you look back a year later, you become so aware of how much has actually changed. That’s how it’s been with us.

It’s like a toxic love story. You can’t get enough of me. When you leave, you always come back, with even more vigor than before. I don’t have to worry about that for a second. You know how much I have hurt you. But my promise for temporary relief and pleasure always holds true. It’s not that I want to hurt you, it’s just that all I can offer you is something temporarily good. My appeal expires. And I think that’s why we work so well. You’re scared of commitment. Permanence makes you squirm. So here’s my promise to you- I promise to always provide you temporary pleasure, but to never stick around long enough for you to get sick of me. I come and I go, and all you remember is how sweet I tasted. I provide you with an illusion of freedom, and that’s been enough for you. You always come back. You can’t help it.

In all seriousness though, I want you to know how I feel. About you. About us.

Truth is, I don’t deserve you. You have so much you could give this world, but you put me first, and that says a lot. So thank you. You give me attention and make me feel wanted and accepted. You’re good at pushing other people’s “truths” to the back burner and believing me. That creates a special bond between us. I wish you would spend more time with me though, so I’ve been working on new ways to fit into your life. You’ve noticed me more, haven’t you? When you see a medication, you instantly google it to find out if you can get that elation I am so quick to provide you with. Alcohol. The way you fantasize about it, allowing your mind to wander- it makes me proud. Your choice in men too. Lately it’s like you will take whatever you can get. Whoever will make you feel important for that split second. What I love about you is that you let me define you. You allow me to tell you when you’re good enough, and when you need more. Thank you for listening to me so well. I get giddy when I notice your head turned my way and your eyes narrowed in on me, with that look of lust dancing wildly in your eyes. It’s so obvious you’re dealing with that dilemma again. Do you drink of our toxic, passionate love once more, or do you force yourself to turn way- pushing off the inevitable for a bit longer?

We do need to address something though. I give and I give and I give. It hurts when you get angry with me. You ask for pleasure, and I provide. You beg for attention, and I pour it out. You can’t blame me that you’re friends and family are upset and trust is breaking. I don’t want to hear it when you complain about losing your job or the ridiculous guilt you feel every time we get together. Like I’ve told you a dozen times today alone- I’m right here. You go through moments where you say harsh things about me. You say you want to crush me, stomp on me, fight me. We can work this out, I promise. Just take a deep breath, think about all the exciting moments, and give me another chance. It will be different this time. All you really need is me.

Never far,

Your Addiction

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